


I need help Mick

by WordsOfHeart



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Crying, Depression, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Protective Mickey Milkovich, Sad Ian, Sad Mickey, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 10:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11896125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsOfHeart/pseuds/WordsOfHeart
Summary: Ian's left alone at the appartement one night, carefully starring at the lighter Mickey had left resting on the top of his nightstand. What if the flames were powerful enough to make him feel again? What if the rush made him remember that he was alive.Maybe he will try it...Just this once.





	I need help Mick

The first time was when Mickey was out at the store to get some milk. He wasn't planning on doing it. He was laying down in bed about to fall into slumber, when his green sparking eyes came across the shinning lighter that was resting on his boyfriends nightstand. He hesitated before getting enough courage to reach for the little devise, but his inner voice was stronger than his senses. He flickered the instrument between his thin fingers, watching the flames grow higher into the air with a weird feeling of satisfaction growing in his stomach. His head dropped to his lap, starring automatically at his pale thighs. He ran his fingers against them, caressing his fragile skin with care. Nervously, he swallowed the lump forming in his throat, bringing the heavy instrument closer to his body. He pressed against it, watching carefully as the fire appeared a second time. Ian approached the flames enough so they could tickle his left thigh, watching them as they danced across it, marking his skin deeply. He counted five seconds before closing the metallic box, smile forming against his plum lips as he watched a red circle slowly print onto his body. _He knew he would have to do it again._

The second time came only three days later. Mickey and him had gone into a stupid argument about the rather large amount of money they spent on groceries every week. The older boy had left their bedroom, making sure to slam the door roughly behind him as he made his way to the living room. Ian took the moment as an opportunity, rushing into the bathroom where he locked himself in carefully. He took the care to open the tab, letting the noise of the water completely fill the room. He sat on the floor, stripping down to only his boxers. The cold porcelain tiles made his body shiver, knowing he only needed fire to feel warm again. He activated his new favourite toy, letting the flames tickle his thigh, right beside his previous gash. He closed his spheres as he leaned his head back against the wall, inhaling as the pleasure kicked in. _He finally felt like he was able to feel._

The third time happened the same night, body and mind craving for more sensations. While sitting on the front porch, he held the flames against his leg for ten seconds straight, wincing as he felt a new hole slowly digging through his scared skin. _The pain reminded him that he was alive._

The fourth time, _he got caught_. He was sitting on the kitchen counter, thinking he had another hour before Mickey would get back home from the Alibi. He had rolled his baggy pants up as much as he could, revealing his pale and thin thighs. He had opened the lighter, watching the fire zigzag with a smirk, apprehending the feelings of relief that were about to invade his body. He pressed the cold metal against his skin, pushing it against his leg like a knife. A whimper escaped his trembling lips as he felt the flames dig into him, knots tangling in his chest. He counted out loud, determined to get to fifteen seconds this time, but the tremors in his voice were obvious and the tears were seconds away from falling along his flustered cheeks. His breathing stopped as he heard footsteps echo into his ears. The lighter slipped from his shaking fingers, falling drastically to the ceramic tiles. He starred at the wall in front of him, not daring to look around, knowing what he would find. He reached for his grey pants, in attempt to tug they down, but a hand was there to stop him before he could do anything. Mickey was there, starring at his thigh in complete horror, not understanding what he was fucking seeing.

''Ian what the fuck is this?!'' He half shouted, shaking his head in complete disbelief. ''What are you fucking doing to yourself?''

His anger took control of his mind first, grabbing Ian by the shoulder and shaking him, somehow hoping that it would bring him back into reality. Mickey quickly understood that it wouldn't be that easy when he noticed the tears perk through the ginger's eyes. Ian didn't dare to look at him, knowing that what he had been doing wasn't right.

_It felt normal at the time._

''I...I don't know.'' He whimpered painfully through his whisper, not knowing what more to add. He tried his best to keep his tears from slipping along his beautiful face, but he knew who couldn't keep them to himself much longer.''I'm...Scared.'' 

Mickey was completely horrified, not understanding how he was just noticing this now. He cupped Ian's face between his hands in attempt to get Ian to stare into his ocean blue eyes. He stood by his side in shock, heart thumping at an unbelievable speed  in his chest.

''Let me see.'' Mickey frowned, putting both palms on the top of Ian's. The redhead was holding them firmly against his thighs, desperately trying to hide the scars that marked his harmed skin. ''Please baby.''

Ian gave in, letting his arms fall to his sides and firmly closing his eyes as he felt completely vulnerable. He was just adding more fucked up shit to his already complicated state of mind. Mickey slowly brought his fingers to the scars, letting them slowly caress the marks. He starred more carefully at the very last one, unable to ignore the blood leaking from the deep gash. Even though Ian's eyes were closed, he could feel it in his gut how badly he was hurting his boyfriend once again. He fucking hated himself.

''I fucking love you Ian.'' Mickey whispered against him just before pressing a light kiss to his thigh. Somehow, those words were the only thing he needed to say to his broken boyfriend.  

At those words, Ian completely broke down. They made him snap back into his sadness and pain, suddenly realising everything that he had been doing to harm himself. His body completely gave in, shivering uncontrollably as sobs escaped his frail figure. His shoulder shook as he wrapped both arms around his stomach, trying to comfort himself into a self hug. He felt ashamed and lost, feeling like he he was simply reinforcing the fact that he was fucked up.

Mickey's heart shattered into tiny bits of glass as he looked at his wreaked boyfriend falling apart in front of his very own eyes. He pushed himself against the counter, so he could be sitting right by Ian's side. He pressed an arm on his round back as an invitation to gather into his torso. Ian automatically fell against him, nails digging into the skin of Mickey's biceps as if he was holding onto life.

''Mi..Mick...I'm...Sorry. I...I think...I need...'' He tried explaining through his sobs, having no idea how to contain himself anymore.

''I know.'' Mickey cut him off, understanding exactly what he was talking about. He slowly rocked him back and forth against his chest as he shushed him softly, feeling like for once, Ian was the smaller one. He pressed a heartfelt kiss to the top of his ginger stack of hair, gently rubbing his scalp with his fingers as he breathed in his smell. He needed a reminder that Ian was still alive. ''We're going to get you some help. I promise.''

**Author's Note:**

> This was kind of depressing, so i'm sorry. I guess I just like writing about Mickey always being there to support Ian !  
> I hope you enjoyed it anyway, I was having a writers block with my other serie, so kind of needed to write something completly out of subject, so I could kind of grow out of my lack of inspiration. 
> 
> Let me know what you think, I always love reading the comments, they make my day! xx


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